100 Things You Might Not Know About Me
1. I once won tickets to Circus Vargas when I was a kid by writing my name on an index card and sending it to a local TV station. It’s the only thing I’ve ever won.
2. I hold a half a degree in philosophy — the upper division half.
3. My eyebrows would put Brooke Shields to shame if I didn’t pluck them. Fortunately for all of us, I do.
4. My stepson was born on my daughter’s 4th birthday.
5. Apparently I am much more sensitive than I come across.
6. When I was a kid I wanted to be a veterinarian or a school teacher.
7. I taught middle school and high school English and drama for two years.
8. I’ve been in Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers twice.
9. Much to my parents’ chagrin I ran off with my first boss when I was 18. He had a great motorcycle. A 1988 Honda Hurricane. Sweet ride.
10. In school I was always better in math than in English.
11. I have a bachelor’s degree in English.
12. I took the GRE once after not having had a math class in 8 years. I still did better in math.
13. I used to want a Ph.D. in English.
14. I wanted to write my dissertation about the personification of places in literature.
15. I don’t want that anymore, but if I did, I would totally reference Stephen King’s 1408.
16. I am way too uptight about grammar.
17. I once told someone that I wanted to attend the writers’ conference in Sun Valley.
18. I was told that I had to be published.
19. I’ve been published more times than I can count.
20. My favorite story was a radio broadcast about a guy who wanted to send an enormous rock to Israel because he had had a vision that Jesus had stood on that rock while talking to his disciples.
21. The councilman who voted that he could quipped that he would love to have a “traveling basalt embassery” from the great state of Washington.
22. I thought that was just about the funniest thing I’d ever heard.
23. “Funniest” is not a word.
24. 23 doesn’t count because it’s not actually about me.
25. My favorite color used to be red.
26. In elementary school, my last name rhymed with “four eyes.”
27. In elementary school, I also wore glasses.
28. My first love was a guy named Todd Burton, who never knew I existed. Ahhhh. Cue the violins.
29. I had an evening radio show for several years in the ’90s that ran every night from 7 to midnight until the station decided to pick up Delilah instead. One person missed me. I was so glad.
30. My freshman year of college, I pulled in a 2.8 grade point average before leaving two-thirds of the way through. Apparently, drinking margaritas with marines in Tijuana doesn’t help get your homework done.
31. I loved my college roomate. Her name is Monica. She’s lovely.
32. Monica taught me how to smoke.
33. I absolutely love sunsets over the ocean. We used to sit in her camero, watch the sunset and smoke one cigarette. I miss her.
34. I didn’t learn how to ski until I was 32 years old, and only because my brother signed me up and drove me to the top of the mountain after I begged him to.
35. I don’t ski well.
36. I still like to ski.
37. Secretly, I would really like to be a Flamenco dancer.
38. I love wine tasting.
39. I love Hawaii and the Bahamas.
40. But I went to Victoria, B.C. once and fell in love with it, too.
41. I wish I were more of a green thumb.
42. I love to play Broadway show tunes.
43. And get massages.
44. But not at the same time.
45. My favorite scent is jasmine.
46. I am certified to teach English AND English/Language Arts.
47. I think school politics are ridiculous.
48. Most school teachers and administrators still scare me.
49. I have a deep dislike of lawyers.
50. I have learned not to trust most people.
51. The song “Feelin’ Groovy” makes me smile.
52. I can crotchet.
53. And embroider.
54. And make a mean egg custard.
55. I hate to clean my house.
56. Or mow the lawn.
57. I love Agatha Christie books.
58. I have been in dozens of plays.
59. But not since my daughter was born.
60. I’ve won awards for that (the play part – not the parent part)
61. And my newswriting.
62. I used to visit an orphanage every Wednesday when I was in college and play with the kids.
63. I also played piano for the local rescue mission a few times.
64. I like flying kites.
65. I also like playing poker.
66. The Cosmo Bachelor of the Month once sent me his business card with a note that said, “Call me.” I didn’t because I had just met the guy who would turn out to be my ex-husband. I felt like it would be disloyal to call the Cosmo Bachelor, even though I’d only just met my ex, who we’ll call Todd, just for fun (and because it’s the name he gave people so his sexual dalliances wouldn’t get back to me). Now there’s irony for you.
67. I once sat next to the drummer and other bandmembers from ZZ Top on a plane in the ’80s and didn’t know who they were, even *after* the drummer gave me a “ZZ Top for President” bumper sticker.
68. He got up and moved when he found out I was 13.
69. As a reporter covering a conference at Harvard a few years ago, I got to sit across the table from the man who wrote the metaphysics book I studied in college.
70. He’s amazing.
71. I once prayed for a child.
72. She’s amazing.
73. I have a huge bleeding heart and have been taking in (or trying to take in) animals since I was very young.
74. I have always wanted to go to Italy.
75. Rumor has it that my relatives came over on the Mayflower.
76. I’m not sure if this is a good thing, or a bad thing.
77. I notice when people are rude, disrespectful or dishonor other people. I usually don’t say anything. But I notice.
78. I hope to grow courageous enough to say something.
79. I have a very Eastern bent spiritually.
80. I have a birthmark, and very few people know (or remember) where it is.
81. I slept with my closet door closed from the time I was a child until well into my 20s.
82. My daughter is named after an amazing girl I met in class while teaching.
83. And Moira Kelly.
84. Because I absolutely 100% love The Cutting Edge.
85. I could watch Groundhog Day over and over and over — which I think is kind of funny.
86. I would really like to go to the Groundhog Festival one day.
87. And Octoberfest.
88. And a big jazz festival.
89. I have all my teeth. You may not be amazed by this, but every time I go to a new dentist I have to endure, “Oh my god, you have ALL YOUR TEETH” all over again. The joke about my big mouth is getting old.
90. My father wouldn’t let me pierce my ears until I was 18. I snuck it and had them done at 17, nearly a year after I’d lost my virginity.
91. Most of the gray hairs on my father’s head are from me.
92. The rest are from my littlest brother.
93. I love him.
94. But when he was two or three I gave him a glass of what I told him was apple juice that wasn’t actually apple juice and he drank it. (I can’t believe I just admitted that. FORGIVE ME!!!)
95. I think that may be the worst thing I’ve ever done.
96. Besides bounce back and forth between an old boyfriend and new love interests and not have the balls to tell the old boyfriend that I was just a schmuck.
97. He really was sweet and deserved better.
98. Not any of the rest of them, though.
99. I usually got the hosed end of that deal.
100. But THANK GOD I’m not bitter and can live to write 100 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Me.