So NOW you tell me!

December 27, 2006

I would like to file this under Things I’d Like to Say to Marketers/Advertisers:

“Please, please, please. For the love of God and all that is holy, put the instructions about how to make my child’s experience more magical on the OUTSIDE of the box (or at least give me a hint in big letters that I need to read something important inside before I spend 2 hours and $20 in wrapping paper wrapping your toy).

“Putting these instructions inside the box to be viewed post unwrapping does me no good and just increases my mother guilt, which is already very high to begin with. Humpft.” (And yes, I do plan on including the “humpft” part in my actual letter to the toy company.)

Honestly. Is this stuff rocket science?

Must be.

In the future, oh you who have pull, please remind companies to put “important messages” on the OUTSIDE of the boxes. And until then, God bless ’em, every one.

Fortunately, the experience seemed to have no magic lost on the fact that mom wrapped THE BOX instead of actually assembling the pony beneath the tree as was suggested to help “ensure a magical experience,” which is what I dropped the $250 on anyway — the toy certainly isn’t worth $250.

Jon did a fabulous job of putting the thing together and had me distract Babs on the other side of the house so that she wouldn’t end up with some memory that resembles the scene in “The Godfather” where the horse’s head turns up in the bed. Ack! As if “Monster House” wasn’t bad enough!

I think this was the true purpose of The Note to Parents — to prevent childhood scarring — because even Jon thought it might traumatize her to see that pony in two pieces. But please, people. Give me a break here. I can’t magically know that there’s some special note to me hidden inside your box. Moms need all the help they can get. Sheesh.

Fortunately, a couple of screws, six D batteries and 20 minutes later, Babs had her pony. And even though the thing doesn’t walk, as Babs and I had hoped it would, she is elated nonetheless, and I get to go one more Christmas of being able to get her what she wants.

I think I’d best enjoy it while I can, because, as Al so appropriately reminded me, a car will be on the list soon. God help me!



  1. Heh, hppened to me when I gotone of those life-size dolls with dresses for my sister.

    The head came detached, because you had to insert a battery in, and the poor girl, inher excitement grabbed the doll bythe ehad, only to stare in horror at the decapitated head before her.

    Took 2 hours to stopher crying,and another to et her to look at the doll,but she wouldnt play with itanymore.

  2. Oh no! Hearing that story, I realize that the precautions were worth it. Last night’s conversation included confessions by my cousin and myself that we fear dolls and clowns. Clowns totally creep me out.

  3. HA HA! I was laughing out loud reading this! WTF! I agree — they put this crap inside the box. I can imagine your surprise when Babs opened this and … MOTHER OF GOD, the horse was in two pieces.

    Great photo of Babs petting the horse. What? No photos of Jon running around, busting his ass, to try to get the horse together as quickly as possible? 🙂

    You and Jon rock! Babs too.

  4. Dan ~ it was truly unbelievable. I’ve seen some dumb stuff in my day, but way to make me feel like trash for not putting the thing together. Better to not have a note at all. It should have just read, “Warning! If your child sees her pony in two parts she might freak out, so please have one parent (i.e. the mother) keep the child in another room while another parent (i.e. the handy father) puts the pony together.”

    Of course, in my case, it was my mother who was handy, so I’m not totally gender prejudiced after all.

    I couldn’t take any photos of Jon because every time I came close to the family room, he would yell at me to keep her away. “Not yet!” He sounded like Archie Bunker. But he was, once again, my hero. (He does that well. And it’s not easy, I tell you. I am not easy to impress.)

    I hope your day was wonderful, magical and all that you deserve!

  5. Hysterical! And I thought only God could make a horse.

  6. Hi Al! I think that only God can make a tree. But I may be totally mistaken. I am on a fairly regular basis. Cheers!

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