So this slump of mine seems to be lasting longer than usual. In fact, I haven’t had one like this since . . . well, I can’t even tell you what was going on, it was that bad.
I’m not sure if it started because Jon got a little down in the dumps and I felt like it must be my turn, too, or if it was my girlfriend Tiffany asking me how I really was doing after that awful lawsuit where I was told that basically there was nothing they could or would do to help keep my daughter safe and if she wouldn’t really talk about it (instead of just burying toys in the sand), then we were just shit outta luck.
And then came the Kathy Sierra story that seemed to push me over the edge in terms of my belief in humanity. For four years, I’ve been trying to get back to that Anne-Frank-People-Are-Good mentality, and it’s just not happenin’ folks. Not this week anyway.
I’ve been trying, with a relative amount of success, to learn to get through all of this with meditation and letting go. I can’t protect her 24/7, now, can I?
But I want to. And I feel helpless today. Helpless the way that Kathy feels. Helpless and angry. Angry that there are people in the world who are so selfish that they would hurt or allow anyone to be hurt, especially a child, especially MY child.
So there you have it. Tiff’s question apparently opened a Pandora’s box for me that I thought I had sealed up pretty well. Duct tape and superglue are supposed to be good for those kinds of things.
And I don’t talk about it much because A) it’s a downer, and 2) bringing her up on this blog just opens us up to the type of crap that Kathy is going through. But I feel like if I don’t figure out a way to work through these feelings that I’ll miss all the good things we have available for us this weekend.
That’s why I’m trying to work it through.