How we roll

August 17, 2007

Him: (As we were getting ready for bed last night) Why are you putting oil on your feet?

Me: Because I don’t have any lotion.

Him: (Handing me a bottle from his nightstand) Here you go: a nice, fresh bottle of Lubrisperm.

Me: Thank you.

Him: Did you know that when a blue whale ejaculates, he squirts 500 gallons of come? 500 GALLONS!

Me: That’s a lot.

Him: You’re tellin’ me. No wonder the ocean’s so salty.

Being the investigative journalist that I am, I decided to use my good friend The Google to help me learn if this was true. According to at least one source (a guy named Duane G. I found by complete accident and a little help from The Google), it’s not. Here is the link to his urban legends article at about.com if you’re interested, and part of his awesome summation:

To sum up:

1. Blue whales can’t possibly ejaculate 400 gallons of sperm; not even close.
2. The animal in the photo isn’t a blue whale in the first place, nor is the circled appendage its penis.
3. There are no doubt good reasons not to make a habit of drinking sea water, but sperm spillover isn’t one of them.
4. Which is more than can be said for hot tub water.



  1. Ew.

    Did you order the book through lulu.com? I can’t believe you missed all my shameless self-promotion posts. I’ve been offering discounted, signed copies for like 3 weeks now. Maybe I can put aside an extra one for you.

  2. By the way, is lulu.com related to Dan? Because if it’s not, it should be. πŸ˜‰ Put aside an extra. I think I’ll buy that, too. (And all I get is an “ew” with that post? Come on (no pun intended) I thought I’d get better.) 😦 That I have left you speechless is thrilling and frightening all in the same moment.

  3. Ang, Lulu runs Lulu.com. Didn’t you know that? She even left a comment on Diesel’s blog a few days ago proclaiming to be the Queen of online publishing. πŸ™‚

    This story about whales touched me deeply. I think I’m gonna hurl!

    Hugs and love Ang. Have a terrific weekend!

  4. Just found your blog via cs, and I like it, find you extremely amusing, thoughtful, erudite and all that stuff, and I would love to link you if that’s OK. Meanwhile, come and visit me sometime. Meanwhile, re semen and water, remember WC Field’s comment about never drinking water because fish ‘have carnal knowledge of one another’ in it.

  5. lol! funny!
    thanks for the info madam!

  6. I was going to leave a longer comment, but #4 kind of made me lose my train of thought.

  7. Dan ~ I’m so glad to hear it! I have been offline for far too long and have missed more of the blogging world than I’m comfortable with, truly. I hope that your weekend is a great one, too!

    Ian ~ I am horribly flattered, truly, because I always love when you comment on CS’s blog and would be honored, honored if you felt happy to be here, too.

    Parul ~ Thanks so much for visiting. I’m afraid at what the traffic is going to do after this post, but felt the need to post it for some God-forsaken reason.

    Diesel ~ I was actually impressed with myself and my ability to steal something that would throw you. It’s not easy to do. Cheers!

  8. Another myth: That the heat of hot tub water kills bodily germs, fluids and assorted offal. It is, as Jerry Seinfeld once posited, “a bacteria frappe” of floating dead skin cells, urine droplets, menses, pubic hair and, perhaps, depending on the activity in said petri dish … sperm.

    Let’s tub!

  9. This is one of those posts that leads to increasingly disgusting comments, I see. I’m taking the high road, my friend, and just saying, “Hmmm.”

  10. Jim ~ Oh, my. If you’re not listed on humor blogs yet, you should be. And I haven’t even had a chance to visit yet. Thanks for the great morning laugh!!

    CS ~ πŸ˜‰ I know that I don’t normally go this route, but hey, this was the road not taken, yes? Every once in a while I just need to keep it real and let y’all know that my life is basically a semi-controlled zoo. (And I use the “semi” loosely.)

  11. Ew.


  12. Angelika ~ thanks so much for visiting! I found myself laughing out loud at your blog, too. Great read!

  13. lmfao- what in the hell?! BWAHAHHA

  14. Jennster ~ Thanks so much for visiting! Happy to give you a laugh. We all need more, don’t we? Cheers!

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