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Are you sure you have the right blogger?

October 3, 2007

I have these dreams every once in a while where something marvelous happens, something absolutely stupendous occurs. It may be winning the billion-dollar lottery, or getting a call that says I actually won that Hawaiian pineapple sweepstakes I entered online. Sometimes it’s even that that incredibly sexy, intelligent, super fine motorcycle racer who cries at chick flicks actually e-mails me back. Oh, wait. That last one actually happened.

So, you see? Sometimes wonderful things really do happen to me. But I guess I must have been deprived as a kid or in a previous life or something because I always have a hard time believing it.

“Are you sure you have the right address/ phone number/ person? Were you really looking for the dorky cross-eyed kid who comes in last in jump rope races? I think you must be looking for the girl down the street/ block/ state.”

I hear myself talk this way and wonder if that’s why Jon thinks I’m a pessimist.

BUT IT’S TRUE! I have a problem with adulation. I have an anti-adulation disorder. I long to be adored but am terrified of it, all at the same time. (Something tells me I’m not the only one with this problem.)

So I have been remiss in posting the lovely awards that have come my way, thinking somehow that I didn’t deserve them. (I know. I know. Shoosh. This is what I pay my therapist for.)

HOWEVER, the time has come to embrace my awards, and the wonderful people I have fooled paid off connected with in this crazy thing called the Blogosphere.

I shall have to reverse order because I have been shunning this magnificence since June when my very first award was bestowed upon me by CS of the Tangential Thinking (Also known as Lady CS in my head — I know she sees herself as a bit of a hippie, but I see her a little more Arthurian. I think she’s both and absolutely marvelous.)

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I was humbled. I was shocked. This woman is a smart woman, one of the most intelligent I know. Had she gotten the URL wrong?

Recognizing my pattern of self-deprecation, I quietly thanked her and left the award at her blog. “Isn’t it tacky to post it?” I thought to myself, never putting this same judgment on anyone else who posted awards on their site and instead thinking what lovely people they must be to have awards like that.

So, like other awards and honors I have received, I put it in the closet, not wanting to bear any criticism or elicit any jealousy for having been thought rockin’ by some other magnificent person in this world.

But then I found others of you. Delightful people with delightful blogs. And I fell in love with your blogs and with you, too.

I became very grateful for this community where I could come and vent, talk, share and be as real as I chose to be.

I believe it was Dawn at Twisted Sister who honored me next with these fine awards:

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Now I was getting really confused. Don’t they know that I’m just a girl? A really imperfect mother, wife and employee? Have I been selling some sack of sheehosephat on my blog that causes other people to believe that I’m more than I am? Oh, no. Mr. Bill. What to do. What to do.

Okay, I’ll be more real.

But for some reason, getting more real brought even more awards. And I am honored, and humbled, and feel very, very blessed.

To, Ian, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for including me in your list of people who make you smile. I’ve never told you this but I remember reading some horoscope thingy that said that I should be more Pisces. Every time I come to your blog or read a comment from you, I know why that advice was given to me. Thanks for opening my world to new ideas and ways of looking at the world.

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And AS IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, the good folks at The Rising Blogger decided to pick one of my posts as The Rising Blogger Post of the Day.

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And boy, howdy, can I tell you how glad I was that I changed my profile pic before they decided to feature me! My poor brother — swear to God on a stack of Bibles — moved that other picture down to the end of his friends list on myspace because, in his sing-songy words, “Which one of these is not like the other?” He was embarrassed. Poor guy.

Of course, my guy friends from high school moved me up into their top friends, so there you have it. Actually, I think I should be glad that my brother wasn’t more excited about featuring that photo!

I hope that I have properly thanked everyone who was kind enough and generous enough to take the time to send an award along. As I realize how award-o-phobic I am, I find that I have an entirely new topic to ponder: why I downplay what’s good about me or what has been recognized by others as having value. Jon says he thinks in a different lifetime that I must have been Jewish; I’m that hard on myself.

If I missed someone, I apologize profusely. And thank you, all, for your kind thoughts.

I think that each and every person on my blogroll is worthy of these awards, so please consider them gifted to you by me.

Peace and light and thanks for the memories,

~ Angela

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12 comments

  1. I smell the sickly sweet stench of memes.


  2. Congratulations! All awards are deserved.


  3. Grundir ~ You’re a smart one, that.

    Hi Pool ~ Thank you. I’ve been ignoring the praise and realized that it’s time to knock that shit off. Cheers! 🙂


  4. WOW! You are an AWARD winning champion! Congrats!!


  5. Thanks, Meleah Rebeccah. I appreciate it!


  6. You deserve every one of those awards!
    Enjoy them all.


  7. Congratulations, Angie. I know I consider your blog to be required daily reading.


  8. Hi Beth ~ Thank you!

    Thanks, Jim – Guess I’d better come up with something good today, then. 😉 Let’s see what I can pull out of my hat. Simple, but heartfelt.


  9. If I had a “Make me smile” award, I’ll give one to you too. You rock Ang and you don’t need any award to know that! Although, i have to add that it doesn’t hurt to boost the ego once in a while. 🙂

    Love the pic!


  10. Thank you, Foo. You’re a gem. If you haven’t been awarded any of these, I think you should swipe them all from my blog. You deserve them, too!


  11. Yea for you! I’m glad I was first – I think I sent a vibe out there that brought in the tidal wave. And all deserved, so many congratualations.


  12. C ~ Thank you! Look at all the good stuff you brought my way! You rock. Thank you for seeing me. I appreciate that more than you can know.



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