NC-17 or bust!

October 7, 2007

Disappointing, but true: when I ran my blog through the funny film rating system, I ended up with a measly PG-13. This is simply not acceptable, folks!

In an attempt to raise my rating (because what’s life without a few choice f-bombs appropriately placed?), I present to you our attempt to take a picture at dinner the other night.

Don’t you love how the word “fuck with” has almost entirely replaced the phrase “mess with” and all its many variations? (There, now, if that doesn’t earn me an NC-17, I don’t know what will.)

With me in this short clip is the woman I’ve been sleeping with for 23 years, my best girlfriend, Denise. I love her. She’s currently learning how to fly commercial jets, so if you see her on a flight in the next couple of years or so, tell her I said hello and hug her for me. She’ll hate that. 😉

Oh, and, for the record, I don’t throw my hair around like that on just any old night. It has to be margarita night. (And there has to be a camera in front of me.) Like good ol’ Ben Franklin once said, “Everything in moderation. Including moderation.”

And, as a final aside, since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Angie recommends Jonathan’s Long Bar Cafe in Salem, Ore.

The food looked (and I heard tasted) tremendous, and the bartenders were funny and quite kind.

(I’m milking this turning 40 thing for all it’s worth. Shhhhh. Don’t tell them I have a couple of years left — it’s far too fun to watch the reactions of the 20-somethings when I tell them I’m almost 40. I am. Technically.)

If you missed her asking me “Did you fuck with my camera?” you may want to re-watch it.

Honestly. Would I fuck with her camera? That’s disgusting. I thought she knew me better than that.

And here’s the photo we were trying to take in the first place:


Happy start to your week, everyone! The parents are coming in T-minus 21 days and counting. If Alice could show up soon, that would be really, really great.

In especially happy news this week, typing in the phrase “Baklava Costco” into a search engine (especially AOL) will present a link to yours truly as one of the top options. The joy of this can barely be contained. Just a few more weeks! Hooray! Now, what to eat for breakfast until then. Hmmmmm.



  1. Cute (but very short!) video.
    And I hope your f-bombs get you your NC-17 rating!
    (It’s these little things that bring such joy to our lives!)

  2. how in the world did my blog end up with an R rating? hmmmm.

  3. Hi Beth! I don’t think I’ve ever had more than a couple of seconds of video captured when I didn’t know I was on film. I’m fascinated today by the fact that videos where I know I’m being taped and videos where I don’t are very different. Intriguing. Hope you’re having a good day!

    Hi Foo ~ Hehehehe. I feel like saying “Congratulations.” The system I used will tell you why it gave you the rating it did. Did it say that you had used certain words that earned you the “R” rating? Happy Monday!

  4. AND Ang’s blog gets an R rating… just checked. haha. happy now? 🙂

    yeah i mentioned breasts 11 times and rape one time. 11 times!! Shows I am a breast liking kind of guy — hahaha. Im so bad, slap me will ya. The rape word was in the 10 year old giving birth article (yikes!).

  5. So the blog my mom knows about is rated G.
    The other one is rated R because I used “fuck” three times and “cunt” twice.
    I think more cursing is in order.

  6. Hi Foo! I’ll take it! I’m not sure what a gal has to say to get an NC-17, but I think I’ve gone about as far as I’m willing to go. I think that “guns” and “death” and other words in that genre will garner a higher rating, but I’m happy. The red looks nice with the blue. 🙂 Did your blog earn a higher ranking with those? Or was that what earned you an R?

    ACG ~ Yet another reason you’re my hero. Over the weekend, my girlfriend was accused of “cursing like a sailor.” Of course, that’s because her flight instructor blew an engine out on her when they were 3000 miles up in the air (not the simulator) and the wind was blowing like a mother. I think he likes to screw with her just for fun. Her buttons are easy to push. Kind of like mine. 😉 Bring on the cursing! (We shouldn’t have to wait for Talk Like A Pirate Day for it, you know?)

  7. Yah, I need to spice my blog up a litte. It too recieved a pg 13 rating. Psht.

    Turning fourty? Heck, party til it happens, nurse your hangover and keep partying until you are 50.

  8. Hi Pool ~ We were drinking scotch. I can now testify to its anti-hangover properties. How amazing. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t know this sooner, however.

  9. that was what earned me an R.

  10. If you ever do this again in Salem, let me know! I’d make the drive for that.

  11. Thank you, Foo. I was hoping to do a post on Steve. If you read this before I remember to e-mail you, would that be okay? (I think I know the answer to this one already, but it’s polite to ask, yes?)

    Jim ~ I’ll take you up on that. But she lives in Seattle. If I remember my map-reading class correctly, that’s closer, yes? (Even if it *is* more dangerous. What the heck is up with that club shooting over the weekend?!) Honestly. Maybe we’ll just come to *your* bar. The woman flies everywhere. Distance is not an issue for her.

    p.s. I would like to amend that comment, though, after this morning’s news about the plane crashing near Yakima. I’m heartsick for those families and reminded just how many small plane crashes there are each year. Denise owns a Cessna. 😦

  12. Angie Beth, you are a top option for me any old time, and looking good, too, I might add, and fun and dirty in a very funny way. What a lethal combo. And since I was just in Salem a couple of weeks ago, I’m sorry I didn’t know about the place you mention. Oh, and about the PG-13 rating, that was what I got, too. I was so ashamed. Fuck!

  13. Ian ~ You are so, so, so funny! I was ashamed, too. Isn’t that a riot? Why should I be ashamed that I only garnered a PG-13? As I type that I realize that it’s because I’ve spent my life trying to be free and not live the conservative life my parents lived. The PG-13 rating told me that perhaps I am not as liberal as I would like to believe.

    I would love your blog no matter what rating it receives — and that goes for all of the good folks here.

  14. Ha ha! I was rated R, but I think that little “test” is wrong!

  15. Hi Meleah ~ I think the same thing. I’m pretty sure that it’s just a hook to get people to sign up for their site. Agendas. Everyone has them.

  16. i was wondering what you were talking about at first … ofcourse you can do a post on steve — that would be great! thanks! if you have any questions — let me know, you know my email.

  17. Thanks, Foo. Sorry to be vague. I couldn’t remember his last name. I hope that he’s doing well and am sending out really good vibes for him and your family. Bless every one of you.

  18. I got an NC-17, and I really don’t think I have a very racy blog. It seems to be a pretty quirky rating system. But, I have to admit, I was stoked about the rating.

  19. C ~ I’m so glad to hear it! I envy you your NC-17 but will breathe a sigh of failure and accept my R. Maybe I can write a post about guns and death. I think that’s what did it for you. And yes, completely quirky. It’s agenda is to suck you in to their dating site. 🙂

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