“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.” ~W.C. Fields

October 12, 2007

Too bad drinking scotch isn’t a paying job or Kenny’s dad would be a millionaire!” — Eric Cartman, Southpark

So we’re out drinking the other night. I can’t remember the last time we went out drinking. This, in and of itself, is one of the main rites of passage for me as an adult — this staying home watching Netflix and eating dinner from bags and drinking only juice or water. What happened to volleyball night on Tuesdays and dancing on Thursdays?

Not that I spent all my free time out drinking when I was younger, mind you.

Fine, so there was that six-month period my freshman year of college when we hung out in Tijuana. And that time right around my 21st birthday when the bartenders in Eureka, Calif., knew me by name. (Okay, not really.)

And that night with the coast guard guy when my friends left me to go dance and I was kicked out of the club for falling asleep on the table.

Bless you, Coast Guard Man, wherever you are. I still give Denise shit for leaving me with you. You were my only true friend that night. Thank you. By the way, did we kiss in the alley? My memory is still fuzzy on that.

But this post isn’t about Coast Guard Man (who was just a kid in all actuality, as was I). This is a post about Scotch.

“Scotchy. Scotch. Scotch,” as Will Farrell’s Anchorman character would say.

I didn’t meet Scotch until last year. True story. Vodka, Tequila, Hot Damn. Those I had met. But not Scotch.

Last year, Jon was given a bottle of Glenmorangie Scotch. Spelling the word as I type, I realize why I must love it so much. IT HAS MY NAME IN IT! How cool is that?!

So I drank it, and I liked it, but recently alcohol has not appealed to me the way it used to and the bottles in the cupboard have been sadly neglected, I’m afraid. I hope I haven’t hurt their feelings.

Last week when Denise called me to say that she was going to be horribly lonely over the weekend at flight school because her family couldn’t come down and she lives with a 21-year-old who makes the apartment smell like rotting flesh and hamburger helper, she asked me if I’d ever tried Scotch.

“Scotch?!” I replied greedily. “I LOVE Scotch!”

So Scotch and a 15-hour drive it was. We set out on a quest to see if it was truly true: that drinking scotch (even barrels and barrels of it) will not, under any circumstances, produce a hangover. As a bona fide lightweight, I have an understandable fear of hangovers.

What I didn’t realize until Saturday night, however, was that ladies (apparently) do not order glasses of Scotch. Eh, hem.

Who knew this? Where was I supposed to learn this? Didn’t Darrin Stephens on Betwitched drink glasses of Scotch? And it was drinking night, dammit. Perhaps the last of my youthful career. From here on out, it’s all Lola post Tony on Copacabana. So I silently vowed to myself to live this one to the fullest.

Denise ordered us $14 shots of Scotch. They sucked. It tasted like battery acid and Chloraseptic.

So we ordered another round of these piddly shot glasses, this time of Glenmorangie. Ahhhh. Smooth. Like buttah. We liked that a lot.

My last hurrah was a good one. I had a chance to be young again — get denied from a bar when I couldn’t find my license — dance with a beautiful girl named Angie who was probably half my age, and laugh until my sides hurt. I also know now that if I had to choose someone to sleep with (besides my husband), it would be Val Kilmer.

The Doors Val Kilmer? Or Ice Man Val Kilmer?”

The Saint Val Kilmer.”

Here’s lookin’ at you, Val. Oh, and if anyone is wondering what I’d like for Christmas, this is it. I wear a medium.


For her fifth wedding, the bride wore black and carried a scotch and soda.” — Phyllis Batelle (American Journalist, b.1922)



  1. Sorry – couldn’t handle scotch! But I do drink Turkey 101 straight up. Not often mind you! Thanks for stopping by today. I’m glad it was peaceful for you. Another hard week at work so consequently I didn’t get any other writing done. Hopefully I will have something soon besides TT for you to read. Take care and keep writing!

  2. I’m not one to drink anymore. I’m one who has to do everything to excess and beyond and drinking isn’t good for me. I can’t stop. If I was drinking – which I used to – it was never scotch. Rum, vodka but I’m happy to say that it’s water and coffee for me these days.

    I’m wondering – did you get the hangovers or not? That’s another thing I don’t miss – along with lost cars, driving into utility poles and not knowing what happened the night before.

    Thanks for the reminders.
    Wishing you peace today and always.

    ~ RubyShooZ ~

  3. Lara ~ Thank you! I love stopping by just to look at your banner. But it’s so nice to have you here. Thanks for the comment!

    Ruby ~ How nice to have you here! Thanks for stopping by. I’ve been feeling guilty since I posted this and feel like I should post something about drunk driving as a follow up. Alcohol is and can be a major problem in many, many people’s lives, so making light of it has me a little perturbed. But yes, hangovers are awful, and a lot of what keeps me to a glass and a half of wine on a normal night. This one was a last hurrah and an experiment. And no, no hangover — in spite of the fact that I added a margarita and something called a Washington Apple to the mix. My best friend, among her many talents, has a talent apparently for stopping the hangover before it starts, which mainly consists of lots of water and vitamin C packs. Who knew?!

  4. Yeah. I like scotch.
    I like Glenmorangie, but I like the sherry wood aged variety.
    They age the scotch in casks that had once been used to age sherry. So it imparts a little sweetness to the scotch.
    I also like Balvenie 12 Year Double Wood.
    And every once in a while I like a good bourbon. But it has to be the good stuff like Woodford Reserve or Blanton’s or one of the other small batch bourbons.
    Ohhh… and really good rum, the REALLY good stuff… that is smooth. Love it.

  5. Man. I sound like a lush.
    I really don’t drink hard liquor that much. But when I do, I like the premium stuff.

  6. ACG ~ I would expect nothing less from you and have definitely made notes. We also found something called Amurula (sp?) that we really enjoy. Happy weekend!

  7. I hated that movie, The Saint. I can’t remember why.

    Hey Angela, can you add a link to your WordPress blog to your blogger profile? I try to follow your comments back to your blog and I get stuck and confused, and end up sort of just nibbling on my collar a bit.

  8. Can’t remember my last drinking hurrah.
    Oh, wait. Yes, I can. Ouch.

  9. Hi Diesel ~ If you think of why you hated it, let me know. (Unless of course it was because Val Kilmer is so damn hot in that movie — which would be fun to know, too, come to think of it.) I’ll definitely consider linking — I’m trying to lay low at the moment. As much as I enjoy the attention, I don’t like being found so much. By you, yes. By other lurkers . . . ? But I’m worried if you’re eating your collar. I’ll have to fix that.

    Hi Beth! Too funny! I’d love to hear about it if you’re ever so inclined.

  10. First, you probably couldn’t have done better than to start with Glenmorangie. A very good friend of mine from boarding school was part of the family that owned that distillery until they sold it a few years ago. I’m not sure what her exact job was, but now she seems to spend all her time traveling around th world and skiing. Sigh.

    Scotch was my drink of choice in grad school – single malts, neat. Then I abruptly lost my taste for them. I’m purely a wine and beer person now.

  11. C ~ What a wonderful coincidence! Traveling around the world skiing. What fun! When I hit the lotto, you and I will go. I think that since I’ve been a wine person for so long that I had forgotten the joys of a good glass of something — especially when my financial situation has increased to the point where I could purchase something more than a five-dollar bottle of something nasty. I’m glad I don’t drink much, though. I can see how that could easily turn into an expensive habit.

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