Yet another thing Suzanne Craig and I don’t have in common

October 22, 2007

Going on national television to defend a husband’s changed story? Wow.

Of course, there is always the possibility that he’s telling the truth. Perhaps Larry only gave Suzanne the one version — the honesty and fidelity one?

Why would a woman defend a man who admits infidelity and lies?

I know there are reasons and that maybe I’m too prideful, but why would someone stay, let alone defend?

Does anyone who actually says they’re going to change really change? Especially when those promises begin numbering in the double digits . . . At what point should someone cut his or her losses?



  1. Maybe he just signed his soul over to her. Or maybe she plans on helping him let this fall into the shadows before she really makes his life hell. bwahaha. Personally, I can’t get into anyones head in order to make judgements. I mean, lets take the fact that shes been with him all these years and yet, and yet is surprised about all of this. We are talking about a woman who has built a HUGE wall of fantasy for herself.

  2. I have always wondered the same thing. Maybe the woman is initialy in shock or something. Her whole world has been rocked and she doesn’t know what to do. Maybe if she just goes along for a little while, things will get back to normal. Of course, that doesn’t happen. Things are never the same. I don’t know what kind of example it sets for other women when a high profile woman ‘stands by her man’ like that. It kinda makes me feel ill. I realize that it is her choice and I know from experience that it is not the one I would make long term. However, in the initial confusion of life as you know it coming completely unraveled, you just want to put it back any way you can. I hope she finds peace with whatever she does.

  3. As they say, ‘denial’ is not just a river in Egypt. Two of the most powerful human forces: denial and codpendency, and the often run together, alas. But, some people, and I’ve seen this as a counselor, really actually do change and it’s a wonderful thing to see. But, it’s a wonderful thing to see because it’s so goddamn uncommon. You ask some good questions, Ang, but you usually do.

  4. Pool ~ True. Some women like that. Some men, too, I’m sure. I guess the reasons for what we choose as unique as we are ourselves. I just can’t help but feel sorry for her and that huge wall of fantasy you mention.

    Seventh Sister ~ Shock could indeed play a part. I don’t doubt that for a second. But how long can/should shock last? I do understand the denial and naivete that comes with hoping against all hope that he wasn’t *really* cheating. With that being said, I *don’t* understand this “stand by your man (or woman)” philosophy once the cheating is admitted.

    Perhaps he never admitted it to her, though, and she believes him when he says that he only pleaded guilty in the hopes that the whole thing would go away quietly. As I said, there is an off chance that he’s actually being honest and doesn’t solicit sex in bathrooms — thought that’s not apparently the generally accepted theory here in Idaho. I hope she finds peace, too. Such a long road.

    Ian ~ I love that phrase! We do much damage to ourselves and others by allowing ourselves the guilty pleasure of denial, don’t we? I believe that change is possible. I just haven’t ever experienced it personally. Just a lot of promises that in the end turned out to be nothing but ways of manipulating me to stay when I should have been long gone. People who disrespect other people trouble me, especially when it’s me who is continuously being disrespected. I’m tired of sitting by and watching it happen and giving my tacit approval with my silence — in anyone’s case, not just my own.

  5. I think it’s a complicated issue and one that has to be carefully weighed against a lot of different implications. There are too few facts in this case to really make any judgments about how she chooses to handle it.. but in general, I’m all for keeping families together whenever and wherever possible.

    If he did do that, he needs some sort of help… and some compassion.

    I know that is an unpopular view.. but I can’t get beyond it. There are so many troubled people around.. and compassion is shortcoming.



  6. How come I have no idea hwo Suzanne Craig is? I am tragically out of touch with current news. Or maybe it’s blissfully out of touch with current news.

    But I will say here – ha! I am up to the present again. Be as prolific a blogger as you want, I will eventually catch up.

  7. Chani ~ Compassion is not in large supply. It’s true. Definitely something to think about, and I appreciate your sharing. Looking at an issue from all sides is mandatory if someone wants to find real Truth. I would like to be such a seeker.

    Hi C! Suzanne Craig is the wife of Idaho Senator Larry Craig who was arrested in a Minnesota aiport bathroom for an alleged attempt to solicit sex. I think “blissfully” is the word that would be best used here, but man, oh man, you are AMAZING! I don’t know if I should be thrilled or worried that you spent so much time here tonight! You’re busy, woman!

  8. CS, you should be thrilled to death to not know who Suzanne Craig is.

    I just hope that Larry Craig ends up to be Stephen Colbert’s running mate.

  9. I understand the temptation to judge from afar here, but really, nobody but the two people in a marriage can fully understand the decisions made to save to implode a marriage (and sometimes not even they fully understand). I know it drives us crazy not to know why Hillary Clinton stood by Bill, and in the absence of her explanation, we rush to fill the information void with suppositions based on our own philosophies and prejudices.

    I don’t know why Suzanne Craig is standing by her man. My point is, we’re never going to get to know. So I really hate to even start down the road of filling potholes along the way with the sticky tar of unsubstantiated supposition.

    We might as well as why you married a man who sometimes makes you crazy. 🙂

  10. Uh, that’s “ask.”

  11. DD ~ I wholeheartedly agree with you. Larry, Larry, Larry. What do I say about Larry?

    Jim ~ I know, I know, I know. That search for understanding. It’s a wild journey, that’s for sure. The trouble is that we usually don’t even have all the information we need about our *own* lives, let alone someone else’s. I usually want to understand another person’s decision (especially when it was the polar opposite from my own) as a way of reflecting on a similar — or dissimilar — choice I made in a similar situation. (So many similarities.)

    And, because you infinitely intrigue me, why would understanding why I married a man who sometimes makes me crazy (and who I sometimes make crazy, as well) help you, enlighten you, etc.? In other words, what’s to be gained in the knowing?

    The short answer is he’s totally hot and I had trouble keeping my hands off him. 😉

    Oh, and I loved his heart. And his smarts.

  12. Whats that old saying… a leopard never changes its spots.. or something like that.

    I have no idea WHY women…and there are A LOT of them that STAY and DEFEND this kind of behavior.

    I will NEVER understand that.

  13. Hi Meleah ~ Waiting for leopards to change their spots has made many of us crazy (or at least *feel* crazy). Once I embraced the people in my life in their entirety, I was instantly happier and more free. Staying and defending are two things that this girl is just not capable of doing in a similar situation. I figure that it has to be fear that keeps someone, but then, as everyone has so wisely pointed out, which of us can really get inside another’s head and heart? We have enough trouble just trying to figure *ourselves* out, yes?

  14. All things are done out of love or fear. There are all kinds of fear that is mistaken for love. Fear that we are not a whole person without the other, fear that we cannot take care of ourselves, fear we are not worthy of a decent person in our lives. Fear that we could be happy and live our lives instead of just surviving at the hands of another. But what do I know…I would have walked away a long time ago. L

  15. I don’t know who Larry Craig is. But I gather he did something despicable (hire a prostitute? diddle young boys?) and his wife is defending him. Whatever her reasons, she has my sympathy. I’d like to think I would have the strength to walk away in those circumstances, but giving up your dreams of your life is never easy, even when the dreams are shattering around you.

  16. yes. its hard enough to figure myslef out… I dont want to work that hard at figuring anyone else out. Glad we are on the same PAGE.

  17. re: At what point should someone cut his or her losses?

    I ask myself this all the time. And not because of infidelity. But because of a lack of admission on his part that he loves me.
    I think he does. He says he can’t say it, doesn’t know what it means, but he “deeply cares about” me.

    As far as the infidelity goes… Maybe when I was younger I would put up with more, be more forgiving.
    Now… I would have to kick his ass out.

  18. Lara ~ The older I become, the more wisdom I find in your words. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just react from true love always? Those nasty fears. Sometimes, though, I’ve found that true love for self necessitates walking away.

    V. ~ Another lucky girl who blissfully escaped the Larry Craig drama. Giving up life dreams is amazingly difficult, and you’re right, compassion for those going through something like that seems like it should always be the right choice, whether or not we would do something in similar circumstances.

    ATG ~ I always wonder why he can’t say it. Why he doesn’t know what it means. Is he incapable of it, or is he blocked? But I do appreciate for you the fact that he won’t just say it because he knows it’s a way of keeping you. That’s deceptive. Deception sucks. I still think you’ll figure it out and be better and wiser for it. You’re a smart girl with a big heart. What more do you need?

  19. it’s probably politically motivated. do you honestly think that hillary would still be with bill if she wasn’t running for office, wasn’t senator or if he wasn’t the president (at that time)? honestly don’t think so. then again (to me), no matter what a person does, he or she always deserves a second chance. And i must emphasize that there would be no chance left after that one.

    it’s a tough one with larry too because i do dislike him a lot.

  20. Angela:

    What if it’s as simple as this: Suzanne Craig finds her husband totally hot and can’t keep her hands off him? That her love for him burns on a molecular level in the marrow of her bones?

  21. Foo ~ I can see that possibility. As everyone has so eloquently stated, we will probably never be privy to those reasons. She, herself, may not even know. It just intrigues me.

    Jim ~ I can’t argue with that one, my friend. When that kind of love burns, it’s not easily given up. You make a good point. Again, I have one friend in particular who is/was in a situation like that, and I always think they made the right decision to stay together and work it through. Of course, that was a one-time deal, and I view those differently than I do multiple affairs. Just MHO.

  22. I think the “stand by your man” philosophy can be carried to unhealthy extremes, like when he is hurting you and/or your children by doing things that your own moral code, assuming you have one, knows is wrong.

    Of course Hillary played the same role with Bill, and now she gets her reward: She gets to run for President, too.

    I believe that if someone cheats on his partner once and is forgiven, he is being given a license to do it again — and he will. And nowadays, that is a deadly game besides being devastatingly hurtful to one’s self-respect.

  23. Heart ~ Well said.

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