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More helpful hints for negotiating and life

November 13, 2007

“Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. ”

Dale Carnegie

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11 comments

  1. I like their pastrami sandwiches. You meant the deli right?


  2. I do that – and then the problem becomes this:
    I’m seeing two points of view, two sides of the story and the other person is just seeing one. Their own!


  3. Hi Angela, hi all.

    This one line is so great in helping us in so many ways if we can truthfully try and see things from someone elses’ perspective. I have done this on more than a few occasions and it’s sometimes harder to do than I thought it would be.

    Thanks for the reminder!

    Peace, love and understanding to all.

    ~ RubyShooZ ~


  4. Sigh. Do I have to (she whines)?


  5. Just depends on the validity of their point of view. If the person is an asshole, then I just don’t care about his or her point of view, because it’s corrupt.
    Just my thought. Have a wonderful Wednesday.


  6. Pool ~ You crack me up, woman.

    Beth ~ Absolutely. BUT, what I’ve found is that when I at least *think* that I can understand their point of view, I don’t feel so wound up, anxious, or angry. What comes from that is that my reactions are made from a place of strength rather than whatever negative emotion I’m feeling at the moment. Those always seem to be better/more workable solutions — at least for me.


  7. Ruby ~ I loved the succinctness of this sentence. It says so much with so little. And yes, infinitely hard to do since we can never truly get inside another person’s head and at our very best/highest, we are still just guessing (and probably still putting our own spin on things).

    CS ~ Of course you don’t! 🙂 That’s the beauty of it. One thing I love about getting older is the realization that I CHOOSE. I may make one choice today and make a polar opposite one tomorrow. It’s all good. And it’s all part of the path. I am just beginning to understand this . . . at least, I *hope* I am. xoxoxo

    Ian ~ But you see, my friend, if I can get a firmer grasp of their point of view (even if it *is* an asshole’s point of view) I am infinitely farther along than I was before. I have someone in my life who I believe fits this, and when I thought he was a decent person I made all kinds of concessions for him. REALIZING how he really operates has saved me quite a bit of pain and frustration. Understanding his point of view has protected me. I am grateful for that understanding and now take steps to guard myself from him. Ring true? Completely off base? Talk to me.


  8. Your response to mine was great, Ang. And it set me to thinking that I, like you, have trodden that path with someone. Very similar process to yours, as a matter of fact, and that doesn’t entirely surprise me since we seem to have a certain simpatico. In my case it was my 2nd wife. Wendy said, basically, “How could you fucking forgive her after what she did to you?” I told her that it was better I try to understand her and her motivations. And, in forgiving her, it liberates me from any power she might have over me. So, dear, your response was right on. Thank you.


  9. Ian ~ I’m thankful to hear that the idea resonated with you. It was truly liberating for me when I read of the idea that forgiveness was not the same as reconciliation, but that it was something that we do for ourselves to release ourselves from the negative energy they’ve brought to our lives. I would never suggest that we not take someone’s true motivations into account. Seeing something from another person’s view does *not* mean thinking that point of view is healthy, okay or anything other than what it is. But the seeing, or at least the *attempt* to truly see, is powerful and can be transformational. And yes, you and I are definitely simpatico. Perhaps we are the same soul in different genders — that rings a bit more true for me. Whatever it is, I am truly glad to have found you, my friend. Peace, hope and love to you, always.


  10. You know, Thich Nhat Hahn’s entire approach to compassion toward someone who has hurt you is trying to genuinely hear the other’s point of view, and acknoledging that given the right circumstances you could have done exactly the same thing. I really believe that’s true.


  11. CS ~ Absolutely. I love that guy. See how filled with love I am? (Okay, I know I’m joking, but he really does have some wonderful words of wisdom, and I do believe that anytime I even scratch the surface of it in terms of applying it to my life that I and the people in my world become infinitely more blessed because of it.) All that to say, “Thanks!”



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