h1

He wins!

November 27, 2007

(This has been around but is a must-read for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet — taken from a viral e-mail I received a while back with my thanks to Victoria for sharing it.)

The next time you are having a bad day, think of this and chuckle.

Subject: Bad Day At Work

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first, must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints.. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, “I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.”

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, “Is this a jellyfish bad day?”

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11 comments

  1. Oh, what a story! And so well-written. I think the guy has missed his calling and should be writing those adventure books that some men read.

    I now have a standard against which to compare my bad days, and for this I thank you.


  2. I feel dead certain this story is apocryphal, but still funny. I can list anbout eight hundred jobs right off the top of my head that I’d like less than my own.


  3. I agree with CS … this has more than a whiff of “urban legend” to it. But it’s still a funny story.

    When I was a young teenager, we boys were just starting to deal with the horror of nocturnal emissions. We referred to it as “waking up with a jellyfish on your stomach.”


  4. I needed this. 🙂 Tuesday and yesterday were jellyfish bad days. Today’s OK. Definitely not a jellyfish day, but a “sand in your bathing suit” day.


  5. ew. Imagine feeling like you need to poo but can’t becuase you are swollen shut. Can that happen? really? ouch.


  6. And I was also wondering, can you have a day thatis filled with both jellyfish AND something good like chocolate? because I just had a week like that.


  7. is it ‘work-related’ blog post week?

    At least THIS one was funny.

    (after having to endure my first ever ‘Employee Evaluation’ I am a long way from saying I love my job. I think Id prefer a swollen ass right about now)


  8. Ang, you’re not going to believe this but today, at the office, as I sat down to start writing more system requirements for the wireless system I’m designing, a godammed jelly fish crawled up my ass! Dam!! I HATE when that happens.

    Luckily the buxom secretary, for some reason wearing only a brass helmet, rushed to my aid with some cream.

    And then I woke up.


  9. Jellyfish in your drawers! Try to explain to a bystander what your problem is and then expect them to believe you.


  10. Heart ~ Anytime. I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

    CS ~ I agree. I just don’t see how it could be as well written as it is and still be true. But yes, it does remind us how good we have it, doesn’t it?

    Jim ~ Oh, my. Jellyfish. I’ll never be able to think the same about them. 😉

    Jacque ~ YAY!! Not that you had bad days, because that sucks ass, but YAY that you had something to cheer you up when you needed it. I hope that the rest of your week was infinitely better than the beginning!


  11. Pool ~ I’m so glad you picked up on that. Double ouch.

    CS ~ I totally believe in that.

    Meleah ~ I think “employee evaluations” are somebody’s joke of hell on earth. So sorry you had to endure that! I hope your weekend makes it up to you!

    DAN! OH. MY. GOD! I’ll be right over!!! You have GOT to seek medical attention PRONTO! Hehehehehe. (Oh, it was just a dream. You’re okay then. Whew.)

    Ian ~ Very funny. I can see that scenario in my head. Can you imagine?!



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