Archive for April 5th, 2008


If my life were a movie

April 5, 2008

If my life were a movie, right now it would be “Caddyshack.” So instead of writing the blog post I would like to be writing and catching up with blog buddies, I will be hooking up my new hose to the faucet to try to convince my most recent tenant (whom my daughter has affectionately named Gophey) to kindly move next door into the empty lot and stop making YET ANOTHER HOLE in the ten square feet of grass I own. (Well, Countrywide actually owns it, but you understand.)

We’re up to about 15 holes so far. No lie. I have procrastinated on running his little gopher butt out of my yard since my aunt shared with me no fewer than 25 ways to blow him to smithereens, and the idea of hurting him just didn’t sit well with me. And yes, I do still eat meat, so understand that I realize that I am selective in my compassion — for better or worse.

Babs started telling her girlfriend on the phone yesterday about his family, though, and I thought, “Angela, if he wants to live with you, why run him off?!” But you know, folks. I think I need to take action. Wish me well. Gophey and I are about to have a come-to-Jesus meeting, where hopefully the only result will be that he moves next door (to the vacant lot — I can’t in good conscience wish him on my neighbors).

Babs, of course, wants to trap him and bring him inside where we can hold him and squeeze him and change his name to George. Since Buddy (the mouse formerly known as Snake Food) is already living in the hamster cage, I don’t see how this would be in my best interests.

She’s also bugging me for a Collie, folks. Pray for me. (I have no back yard.)